意志消沉

春节之旅的post还没处理完， 稍后会补上。。。。

本人最近严重缺乏推动力， 做任何事都无精打采。。明天开始上班，很不想去。。哎。。为了钱，我只好逼自己。。做自己不喜欢的事会是这么的不开心。。。每天一到傍晚就很想睡觉， 是时差还是其他什么问题我也不懂， 就是感觉很想马上躺下去睡。。。功课一大堆，也是没什么心情去做， 所以也是得逼自己去做。。。。。有时候会自己发呆，发呆之余脑袋没发呆， 会想很多事，会发觉最近我真的很不开心，感觉这一切好像都不是我要的。。为什么我会在这里，为什么我会踏入‘这行’。。。你问我这是不是我要的，我依然回答你说我不懂。。因为都走到了这一步，都投资了这么多钱，这么多时间，所以不可以放弃。。。可是这是不是我要的。。我自己也不懂。。。只知道已经很够了，如果没什么必要，我是不会继续更高一层的qualification.....毕业后也是个未知数。。哎。。。我的人生是可以这么茫茫。。。。。

我需要鼓励，我需要一双耳朵， 我需要支持。。。。。

适应中

这次又创了个人纪录， 在短短两个星期里飞了最少3万5千公里， 开始觉得长途飞行已经是我的家常便饭了。。。这次的飞行还算可以，时间过得蛮快的， 因为。。。我睡得着。。。应该是累了，再加上身体不适。。。

经过了漫长的14小时的飞行时间， 不包括等待的时间，终于在下午一点抵达目的地。。在飞机上瞭望，处处积雪， 也不是什么新鲜事了，也没什么好开心的，只是有担心路面会不会滑。。昨天下午本来只是小睡一下， 这一睡竟然睡到11点多。。。起身上个厕所又继续睡， 一直到3点多起身。。。啃了些corn flakes....六点半继续睡。。。一直到9点多被电话吵醒。。。也没去算我睡了多久， 也分不清楚我是不是有时差。。。通常我没有这问题。。。

回到来，感觉上又得重新适应。。。。也不是很开心，很多事得烦，很多事等着我去解决，很多人事物也都变了。。说好听点，新的一年，新的开始。。虽然是虎年而我又是属虎的，但是我发觉我今年还蛮倒霉的，觉得发生了很多不开心的事。。。。

在这两个星期里，我过得很开心，很充实， 无忧无虑的生活真的是人生最大享受。。。。其实我要的很简单，我需要被支持， 被肯定， 有人与我分享喜怒哀乐。。。。

time to leave again

Feel like i just came back not long time ago, now i'm going to leave again...waiting for the flight at 2.10am....reach airport nearly 10pm just now.....spent my time to online and update myself to the internet world.... quite outdated recently.......

spent my day today on eating, and movie....

Had lunch at Sushi Zanmai, watched 'Wolfman', Dinner at Oyster King and Ding Tai Fung.....everything done at Midvalley.....

Regarding my feeling......sad? yes...tired? yes... anything else? sad + tired.....I think that's everything...

Have to face all the realities again soon, assignments, catch up the studies, dissertation and etc......

+ U Alex!!!!

1st day

Finally i reached safely, and i'm super duper tired due to 'lack of' sleep'...in fact i didn't really sleep during the whole flight! i always have such problem....

departed from house at 9.30am by taking school bus to salford crescent station. I felt really weird and i was towing a large luggage as it is not holiday season now. I felt really uneasy and my mood was complicated as well. Reached airport before 11am and went straight away to Terminal 1 for check in. After checked in, i headed to departure hall straight away as well. there was only 2 peoples at the departure hall. I walked round the whole hall to look for power supply near the seat. Finally i found it. Charged my mobile and online at the same time....

with this mobile, i don't really need to on my laptop to online...hmmm....

It was snowing during boarding and it snowed heavily. I was wondering whether the flight would delay, luckily it was not. But anyway, the flight was slightly delay for nearly half and hour. The aircraft need to be de-iced before departed, first time saw the de-icing procedure...hehe....

I had chose a nice seat, behind me is a partition wall and i can adjust the seat anytime as i like without concerning the people at the back because there is no people at the back....

Lunch on flight: Lamb, but there is no croissant!...quite disappointed!

Had less than 3 hrs transit time at Dubai which is really short and passed very fast. i went to get a MCD meal, Big Mac Chicken!

taste like Mc Chicken and it costs AED25, equivalent to approx RM25! expensive if compared!

Continued my second half of the journey after that. started to feel tired during this flight....i can't sleep arh!

snack:

chicken wrap, banana, chocolate and water...

Breakfast:

omellette, and there is croissant! really nice...

after 6 hours, the plane landed. I can felt the heat right after i stepped out from the plane.....arh..i miss UK cool weather~~~~~ In UK, i miss M'sia clear blue sky with warm air, but whenever i'm here in M'sia, i start to miss the cool air in UK..==.....piss of myself

I was waiting for the luggage for at least 1 hour! what the hell is that....from carousel G changed to carousel F.....made me really pissed off on this kind of management....sigh......

bought a taxi coupon and then.........had to wait for the taxi as well, a long queue, but luckily the waiting time was not too long, otherwise, i have to piss off it as well..XD....

On the way back to Sunway, traffic jam...sigh......settled down at 4.30pm....from 1.30pm ( the plane landed) to 4.30pm......3 hrs!!!!!

My first task: get a tooth brush from grocery as i forgot to bring.

Second task: shower with cold water..feel really nice~~~~

went out to pyramid at around 6.30pm for dinner at kimgary at 7pm...

Maybe i was tired so i didn't really enjoy the food.....

came back home..1st thing to do is shower again......

And that's the end of the day........

放假之心情

一大清早， 六点被一通电话惊醒！

姑姑来电！ 本来是没打算回电了，可是不放心 （不是发生了什么事吧？），所以就回电。。

结果。。。。。。她问我关于手机的问题。。。她打算拿黑莓手机， 问我这款手机如何。。==

想必她应该是太‘兴奋’了吧。。。。还有啊，真的搞不懂为什么他们都搞不懂这里的时间，我爸妈也是。。。。说完就打给我妈，他们还在医院排队等着， 叫我睡醒后打去。。。。然后就继续睡！

老爸今天顺顺利利完成operation。。。听到这好消息终于可以放下心来了。。。今天又有跟他说了几句话。。。

昨晚去吃了四川菜，第一次关顾，没有很和我意， 吸引不了我。。哈哈。。。今天中午去太湖吃点心， 奶皇包！ 我的最爱！ 尤其是炸的 （可是很肥！）， 吃饱买了东西就回家。。。

很内疚， 今天依然没动过dissertation, 进度等于0。。。。哎。。。看明天如何吧。。。

再过一天就会到机场踏上回家的旅程了， 即将会与久违的朋友见面。。兴奋兴奋。。。即将会看到家人， 姑姑一家。。超级兴奋。。。。即将会有许多美食等着我。。woohoo!! kimgary!!!

我现在完全是处于放假的心情。。。算了， 先玩了再说。。。

吐真言

似乎还没准备好上课的心情，没法专心。 哎。。太多烦恼了

中午跟ts, vera, 和我的‘小弟’跑去吃点心， 有50%折扣叻！！4个人只吃了不到20磅， 超便宜的！（看到单时大家都跌破眼镜）。。。回到班上已经是超过3点了（3点的课）。。。

中午出去之前跟妈通了电话 （已经超过一个星期没跟她通电话了）， 要叫她帮我买一些东西帮我带给我。。。

她和我爸俩最近两三个星期跑了好几趟古晋，不是去散散心，而是去做身体检查。。妈昨天也去做了检查，今天回来，我问她有事吗，她说医生说没什么。（希望真的是没什么）。。。妈说老爸的其中一条心血管塞了70%，星期一得去古晋做疏通血管。。。有点吓倒，这听起来好像很严重，很担心。。可是这不是开刀动手术， 所以想必应该不是很严重的那种吧。。。然后妈就说跟爸说，就把电话交给他，听到他那把嗓声，还是跟前几天当他在古晋时我姑姑把电话给他叫他跟我说话时的嗓声是一样的，感觉那嗓声没以前那么‘健康’。。我很担心他是不是有什么严重的事，只是没有告诉我， 我很想问，但最终还是没开到口。我也没说出那些类似好好照顾自己健康的话，我不懂我为什么会这样， 有时真的很讨厌我的性格， 明明很关心，可是却把它闷在心里。。。我也很讶异今天我妈会告诉我这些，据我所知，通常她都不会告诉我这些的（是不要让我担心吗？？），如果你今天没告诉我， 我应该都不知道这些事了。。。

我问他会怕吗。。他说没什么啦，不严重。。我就说谁叫你喝这么多酒哦，他就说跟酒没关系啦（我一直以来都很不喜欢他和我妈喝酒的（应该是酗酒比较多吧），只是我没开口， 我这个人就是这样，明明很care, 却每次装沉默， 或者以“行动”来表达不满，比如不是很想睬或理会他们，我会离开，不想看到那些画面， 有时候我真的很讨厌我爸那些所谓的酒友。。这次新年不在家过年，我妈有告诉我说在家过年的话一定会被‘灌酒’，所以不想在家过年，这点我的确非常赞同，因为我也的确不喜欢他们继续如此）。。

他说吃太好去，吃太多油的东西，我就问他还敢吃吗， 他说吃一点可以啦。。。

这应该是第一次我跟我爸说这些话吧（当时我说到有点哽咽，但还是矜持着，我无法形容那感觉）。。。他一直跟我说没什么的。。。。

我的女友说我根本就没关心她，她跟我说了她的不良遭遇，我一点表示都没有。。。我不会怪她，要怪只怪我这副德性。。。我不是不关心，不是不担心， 只是我没有表现出来， 当你告诉我这些时， 我心里的确很担心，即刻上网‘谷歌’等等。。我们为了这些闹得不愉快，我也变得很抗拒去继续讯问事情的进展。。。

我很失望的是，4年多了，似乎我这个人你并不是很了解。。

最近真的发生了很多事， 我也渐渐觉得我已经非常累了。。

这一切的一切， 都是我的错，就让我一个人承担。。

得知最近你每天过得很开心， 我也觉得安慰， 我不会骚扰你， 也不再会影响你每天快乐的生活。。。

我发誓。。。。

虽然眼看‘回家’的日子渐渐逼近，照理来说我应该是会非常兴奋， 可是似乎我无法完全开心起来。。。

论文也完全没心情去写。。。。

唉。。蒋为全啊！ 你怎么了？？！！

长眠

现在是早上6.15。刚睡醒， 很早吼。。。从昨晚7点多一觉不醒到现在。累毙了， 都不懂我这么拼命干什么，每天轻松自在不是很好吗，自找的吧

。。今天是最后学期的第一堂课，不知不觉又得上课了， 我的时间真的是过得超快的。。

想起昨天下午的事真的还是会心有余悸， 为了赶巴士，创过刚刚由绿转红的行人指示灯，因为看到马路的灯还是红色，所以我就索性冲过去，没想到才刚刚创过去，那些车就开始冲过来。。。当时紧张的我已经不知所措了，当时就在生死一玄间，差点就被撞，形容不出来当时的情况。。。

还有五点九踏上回‘家’的路程， 还有7天就可以看到家人， 想起来真的很开心， 最开心就是跟家人团聚了。。很期待。。。。

happy + unhappy =????????

Just back from girls' flat for dinner.

Thanks the girls for the 'pan mee', 'fried wanton' and 'sai mei lou(cantonese) or xi mi lu (mandarin)'....nice one.......feel so full and yet sleepy as well....awwww!!!

Again, 6am shift this morning, my mood was ok in the morning, but turned bad after break due to some personal problem. Seriously i have no idea on how to handle all these and i have no 'energy' to think of it. I'm just feel so tired. Can i just be quiet/mute and let everything gone by themselves? let them digested by the time. I'm unable to cope with them at the moment....

My 'surprise' until today never end yet, but the surprise that came to me today is the good one, which absolutely surprised me, really really really super duper surprised me...

Claire, the store manager came to me and told me that i was being chosen as the employee of the month (January), i was shocked and surprised. I had no idea on how to response her and i was still very calm. (After that i realized that maybe i should act like 'Oh really?! it's a very big surprise for me and i have never expect that! Thanks very much!)....In fact, i was not, or perhaps it's because it was so sudden and hence i lost my mind....Anyway at last i said thanks to her.

Maybe emp of the month sounds like very small case, but for me it's a very big motivation. So this is the reason of why i'm happy today on top of unhappy.....

physical & mental tiredness overcame me

being so tired these few days, my time to bed is becoming earlier and earlier, i went to bed before 10 last night, just feel so sleepy man!....

decided to change my shift request today for next week, initially planned to work on mon and tue, now i had decided not to work on these 2 days. I want to have a rest and also have to take terrible long haul flight on wed.....plan to have dim sum on either mon or tues! anyone??????????

seems like everyday sure got 'macam macam' one.....god really saved me today....i don't know why i would count the pound coins in the bag after i asked for the change from shift manager, felt like there was a push for me to do that. And surprisingly! it was short of 4 pound coins in the bag! luckily i found it, otherwise my till will gonna down 4 pounds and sure i will get a 'slip' again!!!

**Haleluyah**

Nagging

Back to chill these few days, even snowing very early this morning, extremely hate such freaking cold weather, just hate it so much..it's a nightmare staying outside under freezing or sub-zero temperature....

2 more days to go before i can have 2 days off 'specially' for classes (feel tiring, just waiting for the time to sleep after back from work, don't even have energy/mood to do the work). The new sem, the final sem starts this week. What i can say is that time really flies, dissertation due in 2 and a half months, but still stuck on where i stopped since submitted the research proposal in mid of dec, never touch it until now!! **guilty**

I have no idea when am i going to start to work on it, don't even have the mood/push right now. sigh!!

I got so much to nag about the work everytime even today but i always forgetful that i can't really remember what i want to say after back from work....of course those that i would like to nag about are all those customers that made me really mad!

The most notable 'piss-off' shit was.......

"Started from couple weeks ago, the condiments bag are all to be given out at booth 4 instead of booth 1 where these bags are given out previously. However, those working at booth 1 still need to 'make' the bag (fill the bag will napkins and then these filled bags will be brought to booth 4 to be given out)...there was a guy asked for the napkins before he left booth 1, i told him that he will get all these over there (booth 4), he still insisted that he wants the napkins by pointing at the bags that piled up at the window, i told him that he will get that over there, then he asked me why i made all these here? SIGH! i want to ask you, why are you so stubborn?! fuck off! "

..........

My till was down 15 pounds yesterday which made me really shocked! what happened? i wish to know what the hell was going on....it made me very bad mood after that, i don't wish that to happen......and i'm sure i didn't give the wrong change of 15 pounds! i'm not blind or mind-set-off during working ! shit! anyway, i can't do much on that, but i will try to count the money in the till before work and drawer change during break....i can't afford to bear this again......

Today, again i was shocked over 'down 12 pounds' !.....i was like 'OMG' when i heard that, but luckily nothing went wrong after recounted. THANKS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! relieved straight away!

..........

Had been eating bread/toast for 3 consecutive days....1st, because i have to clear off my bread, finally finished off by today, 2nd, i have no time to go for grocery yet.....just feel so lazy to go after work....anyway, i should go either tomorrow after work or thurs or fri........